A Friend Always Talks On Her Own Life: Should I End the Friendship?

I have been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome many hardships, which I admire. Yet, she's constantly caught off guard in relationships. Her spouse left her, and it was an unexpected event. Several of her social circle drifted away during that time, because they seemed drawn to the spouse. It shocked her. She made greater energy toward our bond, probably understood more acutely what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

Throughout this period, several of her friends vanished leaving her certain of the reason. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she had been very skilled at her work, and she left without knowing why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, we've both left the workforce and are seeing time together, yet I realize the part I play between us feels one-sided. I start subjects and she changes them to things she cares about. Politically, she holds unyielding views. I try to propose verifying facts or other angles.

She's been planning a vacation abroad I have traveled to many times and resided in for some time. I tried to share advice, but this was met with resistance. She really just desired my agreement with her choices. I've just ended 30 days there and she wants to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate to act as a friend who cuts and runs abruptly, however, I feel she'll truly comprehend the consequences of how she acts on my confidence. Currently, I am in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

You could walk away, yet this is not often the peaceful resolution that we desire. Yet having a direct talk aiming for a solution requires bravery and readiness from both people.

Professional advice indicates trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step involves describing the usual pattern during your discussions. This needs to be based on facts and essentially an unbiased account. Next is to express her how it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no disagreement on this point. Emotions are your feelings, after all. The third step is to ask how you are both will alter the dynamics of your friendship."

Keep in mind she too has a point of view, thus requiring you to remain ready to acknowledge it. An approach that works involves stating her:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to not say anything for half an hour."

Closing Considerations

Your friend may dismiss everything, since certain individuals hold onto a deep-seated story: they maintain a story regarding their experiences they cannot let go of as it feels essential relies on it and it's all they trust. This poses a challenge when there seems no clear path with these people, mere obstacles. However, she might at first react this way before reflecting your perspective. If you never reach a resolution, it will give you peace that you've been open and direct.